An outsiders view ~

Living in London has its perks.

Being a metropolis and a cultural capital of the world, you literally have everything on your doorstep.

You have theaters, shows, museums, endless pop-ups (markets, restaurants, you name it), fairs, celebrations, events, cocktails on some rooftop….

But the thing is, when you actually live here, sometimes you get so caught up in your work life and yourself that you forget this city has all this and more to offer. Yes, London is very cosmopolitan, full of vibrant people and interesting places and activities but from time to time you sort of forget. For example… when do you, that live either on a small town or village or a huge city, go sightseeing? When do you go out, for the sake of it and be a tourist in your own home place?

You are so used to it being there. So close, just outside your door that you take it for granted. And then you stop going to the city center just because technically you can go there any  time you want. However, work is on the other direction, you you just pass by while watching funny videos on Youtube on your commute and it competently passes you by.

 

This happened to me. Like it does to all of us. But then, last week my parents were week. And boy, did I miss my health app to count my steps!

It was fantastic. I forgot what was seeing this city through the eyes of someone that does not live here. My parents, albeit of some age, they are used to travel. They were born in South Africa from Portuguese emigrants. Moved back to Portugal. Their honeymoon was a road-trip through Europe. They didn’t give us a lot of expensive gifts, instead they would take us travelling. Spain, France, Africa, all through Portugal, etc,… So they are more than used to travelling. But still, they were impressed. With the size of the buildings, the size of the city. The amount of bridges. The number of people. The speed of the tube and the number of lines it has.

I forgot how beautiful Southbank is on a sunny afternoon. All the street artists. The music. The street food. The people. The vintage fairs, the shows, the energy, the love I have for it.

Yes, it is hard over here. You work way too many hours, your friends live 1 hour and a half away even though they are in the same city. But then, you have sun over St Pauls and you are in comfy shoes crossing the Millenium Bridge and suddenly, it does not seem so gloomy.

Truth is, I do have a lot to thank for here. And I have to thank my parents for reminding me that.

So go out, explore and fall in love to where you live!

 

Claudia x

Oops, I did it again!

I honestly do not know what is wrong with me.

Sometimes I want to have a famous international blog and work from home on the web writing about whatever crosses my mind.

Other times I don’t open this blog for two months – i.e. what happened just now.

Why is it that I have loads of ideas and then, I never go through with them. I start new projects, I forget about them.

Wanted to  start a Facebook page, never did. Wanted to take my drivers licence; got the book for the theory test; never opened it.

Started writing my story, with a cat with a great name; kind know where it is going, never bothered doing it.

Bought some canvas and oil paint; only painted once.

is this some kind of syndrome? Or am I just lazy?

Am I creative but have no ability? Maybe I’m not even creative and just decided I am better than average for some reason.

I need to find a niche. Something to love and be passionate about.

Tough life, eh?

 

Anyway, sorry about the rant but I just wanted to say – to anyone that wants to know – that I am alive.

Have a great week everyone and enjoy the cute giraffes!

Claudia x

Eat, don’t eat, eat….

You know, I have always struggled with my weight. And no, I am not going to write about my transformation and how I got super healthy- crossfit lover- 6am jogger kind of thing. mainly because I am neither. I am big. Too big to be considered healthy. I am overweight. Always have been.

But you see, I love food. Just like most of all of us do. How many people are in constant diets? Yo-yo dieters. Calorie counting obsessive?

Too many. I go about saying: I have to diet just to keep my weight from going up! Because believe me, if I allowed y self to eat whatever I want whenever I wanted, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. The NHS would consider me morbidly obese and give me some kind of benefit – now that I think about it, doesn’t even sound that bad, ah!

I had successful diets. But truly, that is not what they are. It is proportional eating. Healthy controlled way of life. Too boring for me. Why can’t I be allowed to have a burger when I want without feeling bad? People would see me and be like: that’s why you’re fat. How would they know that is actually my first burger in months? The same with chocolate. Or fizzy drinks. Or just a huge plate of food.

One thing I have going for me is that I am not that big of a fan of fast food. Or snacking. Or even desserts (cheesecake not withstanding!!!). No, what I like is plenty of starters and a plate of food that, judged by nutritionists and health enthusiasts, would be enough for 3 people.

So I know where my problem is. Why don’t I do anything about it? It is will power. It’s lack of regulation.

Similarly I hate the gym, so I get excuses not to go. And yes, some people get addicted. I never looked good enough to like what is in the mirror. Mind you, I still go. Dutifully twice to three times a week. Always feel like dying at the end. There will be the day that I feel happy when I leave the gym with my first thought being: so, what’s for lunch?

The thing is: I don’t want to die of an heart attack. So that is why I go running and cycling. To keep my heart strong enough to handle my eating.

Anyway I lost my way a bit; point is I loose weight enough to notice it and guess how I celebrate? That is right. Big party dinner full of red meat and carbs! I can take it. I know I can loose it.

Don’t get me wrong. I am fat. And even though I convince myself I ain’t that bad because I stay away from fast food, I know that even though the food I cook can is healthy, I eat way too much in one go.

And that is how I go about my life. Half healthy, half completely savage. It is wrong. But someday I want to eat fruit and salads and other days I want to eat that steak. And I want it with fries!

You only live once is a two edge stick, isn’t it?

Claudia x

Pardon me for this outburst.

Sometimes love is too much.

It consumes me. It makes me the happiest and the gloomiest person in the matter of seconds.

Why?

All I want is to be the happiest I can be all the time. For me. For you. So you don’t think I’m boring. So you don’t think I am crazy. So I don’t struggle with myself.

So you don’t leave me.

I want you to hold my hand. Not because I touched it but because you wanted to. I want you to need me like I do you. I want you to miss me just as I miss you. I want you to want to hold me.

I want you to need me. I want you to want me.

I don’t want you to do so because I need you to. I don’t want to need. I just want you to want to.

Sometimes, love is just too much.

 

C. xx

Thoughts aloud

People overthink. They will say ‘follow your heart’ or ‘ you have to do what it is best for you’. But when it comes for them? All the good advice go out of the window.

Why do people do this to themselves? Why do they have the need to validate a decision, or explain a relationship?

Why do people have to think if they are settling or worry if someone thinks they are just getting comfortable?

We always worry about what other people think and mostly what we think people will think. They are so good at evaluating others peoples lives and decisions and help them planning the next move. Sometimes, when they are actually very good at it that will make them overthink even more about their own decisions. ‘I was just telling so and so that they should do this, how will it look if I do the opposite’?

A the end of the day, it is you life. It is your happiness. Sometimes you will throw yourself at something that wont work out, and maybe you will know that in you heart. But if you want to do it it’s because something will be learnt. The experience will add something to your life. Tt is something you will need to go through.

I know, there are things you can’t change. We can’t all leave our jobs and go work and leave family or other things behind just like that. But little things, things that matter, do them for yourself.

So, live your life. Make your own mistakes. Do what makes you happy.

After all, it is your life. You are living for you. Love the others, listen to them. But live for yourself.

Be happy.

Love,

Claudia x

tumblr_nr9t2jbw3n1unkwybo1_540

Waking up next to him ~

I was never a person that liked sleeping with next to someone.

Did not matter if it was family or friends; it would always end up being a night where I woke up multiple times. I was either too hot, or someone was stealing my blanket. My brother talks in his sleep. My cousins take over the bed. Some friends keep turning. Some people snore like it’s nobody’s business. Some people have weird dreams and keep twitching.

And then there’s me. Let’s be honest: I too snore. Not shaking house bear kind of snore, but still a noticeable deeper breathing ah! I don’t like being too hot. I have my side of the bed. I like to put a blanket around me so I am as covered as a good burrito. I sleep belly down but kind of to my side. I like to keep a foot peeking out the covers in mild weather. I hate sweating in bed. I need to be arms distance to a glass or bottle of water.

Selfish, I know, but we all have out habits. Sometimes I would have the most quiet people sleeping next to me. People that didn’t move and should be my bed soulmates, but I still kept waking up. For no reason other than not being alone.

Until he started sleeping next to me. It was never weird. I always slept like a baby. It never felt weird. Suddenly his smell was the most homely smell I ever knew. His arms are just the perfect length to hold me. He sleeps on his own side – which is not mine!!!!

We both have our own sleeping positions which are completely opposite but most of the nights I wake up for a minute and we are holding hands. Sometimes his hand is on my thigh and I love it. Sometimes he wakes me up because he is drooling all over my arm or shoulder and notices and tries to clean it – sounds disgusting, but I am so mellow that I don’t really mind. Sometimes I am holding him on my big spoon position. He always warms my feet – they are always cold!- with his own. He always kisses me good night even when I am already in dreamland.

Suddenly sleeping next to someone is not weird or awkward anymore. When I do night shifts, knowing that I am going home to him, a sleepy cuddly him, I smile and hurry.

He feels like home. And I love it.

Claudia x