Eat, don’t eat, eat….

You know, I have always struggled with my weight. And no, I am not going to write about my transformation and how I got super healthy- crossfit lover- 6am jogger kind of thing. mainly because I am neither. I am big. Too big to be considered healthy. I am overweight. Always have been.

But you see, I love food. Just like most of all of us do. How many people are in constant diets? Yo-yo dieters. Calorie counting obsessive?

Too many. I go about saying: I have to diet just to keep my weight from going up! Because believe me, if I allowed y self to eat whatever I want whenever I wanted, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. The NHS would consider me morbidly obese and give me some kind of benefit – now that I think about it, doesn’t even sound that bad, ah!

I had successful diets. But truly, that is not what they are. It is proportional eating. Healthy controlled way of life. Too boring for me. Why can’t I be allowed to have a burger when I want without feeling bad? People would see me and be like: that’s why you’re fat. How would they know that is actually my first burger in months? The same with chocolate. Or fizzy drinks. Or just a huge plate of food.

One thing I have going for me is that I am not that big of a fan of fast food. Or snacking. Or even desserts (cheesecake not withstanding!!!). No, what I like is plenty of starters and a plate of food that, judged by nutritionists and health enthusiasts, would be enough for 3 people.

So I know where my problem is. Why don’t I do anything about it? It is will power. It’s lack of regulation.

Similarly I hate the gym, so I get excuses not to go. And yes, some people get addicted. I never looked good enough to like what is in the mirror. Mind you, I still go. Dutifully twice to three times a week. Always feel like dying at the end. There will be the day that I feel happy when I leave the gym with my first thought being: so, what’s for lunch?

The thing is: I don’t want to die of an heart attack. So that is why I go running and cycling. To keep my heart strong enough to handle my eating.

Anyway I lost my way a bit; point is I loose weight enough to notice it and guess how I celebrate? That is right. Big party dinner full of red meat and carbs! I can take it. I know I can loose it.

Don’t get me wrong. I am fat. And even though I convince myself I ain’t that bad because I stay away from fast food, I know that even though the food I cook can is healthy, I eat way too much in one go.

And that is how I go about my life. Half healthy, half completely savage. It is wrong. But someday I want to eat fruit and salads and other days I want to eat that steak. And I want it with fries!

You only live once is a two edge stick, isn’t it?

Claudia x

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Caramel Apple Blondie Cheesecake

Boy, have I got a new yummy recipe to show you!

I was scrolling through Tumblr and found myself drooling over this. I love cheesecake; so much between all desserts, that will always be my choice.

This is a blondie, it has cinnamon apples and, my favourite: CARAMEL.

Here’s the magic ingredients:

Apple Spice Blondie
3/4 cup butter
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
3 tsp vanilla
1 egg
1 egg white
1 1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp apple pie spice
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 apple, chopped
Caramel Cheesecake
16 oz cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup caramel sauce*
1/2 tsp apple pie spice
4 oz cool whip
Cinnamon Apples
1 1/2 apples, thinly sliced
2 tsp lemon juice
pinch of nutmeg
1 tsp cinnamon
4 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp butter
Cinnamon Whipped Cream
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1/4 tsp cinnamon
*recipe for caramel sauce makes about 1 1/2 cups worth of caramel. Of the whole recipe about half of it was used  in the cheesecake and some of the rest you can drizzle it over the top of the cheesecake. You’ll end up with leftover caramel, they reckon
Now, I haven’t really tried it, but as a crazy baking lady I am definitely trying. If you do it first, please let me know!!!!
Here are the instructions:
1. Line the bottom of a 9 inch springform pan with parchment paper and grease the sides. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Melt the butter in a microwave safe bowl, then transfer to a mixing bowl.
3. Add brown sugar and whisk to combine.
4. Add the vanilla, egg and egg white and whisk until incorporated
5. In another bowl, combine dry ingredients.
6. Slowly add dry ingredients to wet ingredients until combined.
7. Fold in finely chopped apples.
8. Pour batter into springform pan and bake for 30-33 minutes.
9. Allow to cool for about 5 minutes, then remove to finish cooling.
10. Make the caramel sauce and allow to cool completely.
11. Once the blondie and caramel are cool, make the cheesecake. Beat cream cheese and sugars until smooth.
12. Add about 3/4 cup of caramel sauce and apple pie spice and mix until combined.
13. Fold in Cool Whip.
14. Place blondie back into the springform pan.
15. Spread cheesecake evenly on top of blondie, then put in refrigerator until firm about 3-4 hours.
16. Combine apples, lemon juice, nutmeg, cinnamon and brown sugar in a medium saucepan and toss to coat.
17. Add butter and cook apples on medium-high for about 15-20 minutes, or until at preferred softness.
18. Allow apples to cool for 10-15 minutes, then put on top of cheesecake.
19. To make cinnamon whipped cream, freeze a metal bowl and whisk attachment for 10-15 minutes.
20. Remove bowl from freezer, add heavy whipping cream, and whip on high speed until it begins to thicken.
21. Add powdered sugar and cinnamon and whip until it you get stiff peaks.
22. Pipe whipped cream around edges of cheesecake.
23. Drizzle more caramel sauce over finished cheesecake, if desired.
Oh my God, how much does this makes you want to go running to the kitchen??
Here’s some pictures from the blog I got this from:
Caramel_Apple_Blondie_Cheesecake5
Caramel_Apple_Blondie_Cheesecake7
You can see this and more here
Have fun baking!!!
Claudia xx